Right so to start with I need to explain what I mean. It’s not like this was my idea, that I’m living with my head in the clouds and justified this by saying God told me. Don’t get me wrong I like playing music but it’s not easy. I would rather he wanted me to go to uni and get a normal job. This gives more certainty and security but at the end of the day none of this matters if it’s not what I am meant to do.  The path I feel he wants me to take isn’t easy it’s hard and has many problems which is will probably talk about later.

First problem …I don’t know how

I am writing songs that I am happy with but as far as knowing what to do from there I am clueless. I don’t have enough money to record them at the minute and even when I do I have absolutely no idea what to do with them then. From watching how others bands succeed it honestly just appears you need one person with the right contacts to like your music and from there on your sweet. I will not lie this makes me both sad and angry. If anyone was able to help me id jump at the chance but these opportunities seem to come both few and far apart. I just wish more people would help you achieve what you’ve been put on this earth to do. It just seems to depend what that is I guess…. So I think im in this for the long haul. I will keep you posted on any progress…. if there is any haha.

Bit of background

 So I go to Antrim Baptist church it’s always been pretty cool, for as long as I can remember we’ve had a pretty massive youth group for the size of the church. This is where things start to get a bit crappy most of the youth group are now my age meaning there are a lot of people leaving to go to uni. Half the youth group are going this year and the other half next year for those of you who aren’t great at maths that equals the whole youth group which sucks…. What sucks more is that it is very doubtful any of them will come back again. Now it keeps going downhill this group pretty much makes up my entire circle of Christian friends. “OH DEAR”.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” ( John 13:34-35)

Lately I’ve been trying to make new Christian friends I go to a couple of meetings where this is possible (not naming them because I’m not a prat) but nothing ever seems to come of it. There are a lot of cliques in Christian circles making it next to impossible to get to know anyone. The verse above frustrates me I’m not claiming to have this sorted but I do require I certain depth in relationships that I just don’t seem to get a lot of the time. It’s just not a nice feeling when you’re willing to open up and put your heart on the table so to speak and for others to walk on only opening up to the select few. I was reading a friends blog entitled have you ever felt alone in a crowded room? Yes

DO WE REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER?

DO OTHERS SEE THE LOVE?

IS IT DEEP OR IS IT SHALLOW?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE IN A FAMILY OR ARE YOU LEFT OUT IN THE COLD?

So it my birthday today (WOOP!) that means its exactly 1 year since I was 18 at least that’s how it normally works… but anyway doesn’t seem that long ago that I was excited about the prospect of being an adult now I have been one for a year. This got be thinking about a couple of things….

1. Slow process- Sometimes I feel like I am never going to be able to be the person I want to be. There’s things (not shallow things) that I don’t like about myself I want to sort them out just takes a lot of time and weeks go by I don’t notice anything, months go by I don’t notice anything and a year goes by and I cant even remember what it was I wanted to change. I think the fact I spend everyday day with myself effects why I never notice, I know I change but I don’t see it. It’s like when you keep getting told your getting taller by the people who haven’t seen you a while. You didn’t notice the process of getting taller you just notice you can see the tops of people heads now.

2. A lot happens in a year – I looked over everything that happened last year and this is a short list I came up with.

Started Tec, left Tec, started a band, released a cd , changed the friends i hang around with, messed up along the way, back on track again, relationships have been formed, relationships have been broken, went t-total on alcohol, doctors thought my mum had breast cancer, she didn’t  and the list goes on.

So now I have a new year. This years going to be different things are going to go well others may go bad. Either way going to be interesting

a lot happens in a year ….

So I don’t think often but when I think I think a lot ….It’s coming up to September people are starting school or uni and have just been given results some have worked in favour of what they had planned and others not so much.

This got me thinking about some stuff to do with God and I decided the phrase to “ask God into your life” was a strange one. There’s a story in Luke where we are told that new wine shouldn’t be poured into old wine skins because they will burst. So to try and get my point across, I feel like so many Christians think they have their life and when they ask God into in to it they don’t change their plan but they are willing To take God along for the ride in the hope that their plan will work out better now that God is with them. But God is saying no way you can’t invite me into your old lifestyle your old habits and relationships trying to adapt God to fit what you want. You would burst just like the wine skins you’re meant to say I will follow you where ever you go…and mean it. We get so caught up in Gods will for our lives “what’s my story?” is the question we waste so much time asking but God has a story and it’s been going on a lot longer than yours and its much more important.

Now I’m not saying you can’t get what you want if you work hard you could become the most successful member of your field. I feel though in the situation that I’m in where i have a few rough ideas of what i want to do with my life but nothing set in stone I could so easily stand next to the most successful Christian and God could say this “Well done you accomplished what you aimed for but I had soooooo much more planned for you.” i just wonder who he would be saying it to.

I don’t have much of a plan but I figure I don’t need one …

So I decided to start blogging again, it’s been so long since I last blogged that I’ve forgotten the username and password so I had to start another one and here it is in all its glory. Thought I would start of with a little introduction not sure if this is the norm but hey I’m new to this blogging thing. What I’m going to blog about is a mystery but when I decide I will hit something up on here also decided my blogs can be brutally honest as the chances of anyone reading them is slim so I guess for now that’s it. Just working my way up to the first real blog….. Bye??